Bill C-69 Read In Canadian Parliament

Posted: September 29, 2014 in Drafts

New bill paves way for police to track your deviant ass through cyberspace

Bill C-69 is the latest in controversial all-encompassing police-state-type deals that the Harper government is so fond of.

The bill was read before parliament yesterday and aims to empower police with superhuman police powers, enabling them to see what kind of sick shit you’re into but wouldn’t admit under duress or even torture.

No one can see your incognito pursuit of double llama on whale action when you’re wearing a hood.

Perhaps that’s exactly what you’re into: torturing people under duress.  But Canadians have a right to privacy in their deviance.

C-69 – also known as the “It’s totally not cool that you’re into that shit” bill, is ringing the most alarming of church bells and fervent raising of red flags, web banners, and charmingly invasive pop-up ads.

With most of the Canadian public’s attention on next year’s federal election and Justin Trudeau’s rockin’ abs, the Harper government will likely apply the lube and slide this one right up into the collective anus of the nation.

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