We were tasked with writing an ad for a “vacation rental by owner”, with the caveat that we needed to advertise the place where we actually live. Obviously all our dwellings are rental-worthy.
To get started, Rick gave us the headline, “Right where you want to be.”
He advised that by choosing a voice and how it speaks can affect the idea itself. I may have taken that a bit literally as I employed my faux-English accent.
We only had about 20 minutes and no chance to proofread.
So, due to popular demand, the following is a Birnbaum-approved-un-proofread-unedited-unabridged-unusually-awesome message:
Dear fellow traveler,
If you’re reading this, you’ve no doubt found the buried treasure and my bounty of soft silks. The accompanying map marked with an X, I assure you, is right where you want to be.
I came across this subterranean oasis as I traveled north on Bathurst near Lawrence during the great storm of ’98.
As you descend the luscious carpeted staircase, you’ll immediately feel the warm embrace of central heating and the guiding light of energy-efficient light bulbs.
Stroll into the kitchen and be tempted and tantalized by the veritable cornucopia of culinary delights, from frozen turkey burgers and protein bars to microwave popcorn and beef jerky.
Saunter into the living room and, my dear comrade, feel right where you want to be. Kick back and relax in the blue La-Z-Boy of dreams in 150 sq feet of comfort and intrigue. The 46″ plasma television yields a window into HD glory, an experience you will never forget.
Soft, natural light peers through surprisingly large underground windows, illuminating the walls decorated with captivating yet welcoming Second World War propaganda.
When your relaxation and enjoyment have peaked, you’ll be drawn to the bedroom, where a double bed is enhanced with both delightful flannel sheeting and a foam mattress topper that will seize your weary body and not release it until dawn. A 2nd, 27″ standard definition television will infomercial you softly to sleep.
Please pass on this information to the next journeyman who seeks a brief respite. $250/week gets you right where you want to be. Call now before someone else stumbles upon this discovery of a lifetime.
End.
