UFC President Dana White “…Very fucking impressed, he fucking smoked that guy”
The Ultimate Fighting Championship league is renowned for its propensity to employ only the most highly trained and conditioned athletes in the world, and London native Jimmy Smith more or less falls into that category.
“We’re always looking for explosive, impulsive, young fighters in the league,” remarked White as he rubbed his hands together in anticipation. ”Smith showed enormous power and intensity as he rained a maelstrom of crushing elbows and mind-blowing knees as the perp was lying on his stomach, probably already unconscious. That douchebag should have tapped.”
Smith is known to cruise around campus on his Segway, intimidating with his glares and crushing spirits with his wheels.
Unfortunately, Smith was unavailable for comment, as he is currently being investigated by the London Police for using “excessive force”.
Dana White is irate that the internal investigation could potentially delay millions in pay-per-view revenue. ”This man should not be condemned, he should be applauded and compensated monetarily and sexually for his vigour; I particularly enjoyed his hammer-fists, and the excitement level increased exponentially as one of his partners used a baton to repeatedly strike the suspect. What a great fight!”
The purse for Smith's first fight. Plus any cash or traveller's cheques in her purse.
Smith may also be offered a lucrative licensing contract by rapper Jay-Z, who wishes to sample the eerie-yet-catchy mantra, “Give us your arms! Stop resisting! Stop (muffled groans) resisting!”
Smith already has several fan websites dedicated to his bad-assness and is expected to make his UFC debut sometime in early November.
