President sweeping laurels, accolades
President Barack Obama is raising waves and inquisitive eyebrows across the globe this week as he continues to garner recognition for his contributions to society and culture.
“I didn’t even know I was up for Best in Show,” Obama said at a press conference today. ”I mean, I knew I totally owned the poodles at jumping through the flaming hoops, but I wasn’t even in the competition.”
Unofficial translation: "Obama wins Nobel Peace Prize. Uh, what the hell for?"
When asked for advice on coaching children’s hockey, Obama firmly asserted, “I’ve never even seen a hockey game on TV, let alone been to one. I don’t know where these awards keep coming from, but I’ll sure take the $50 prize and tickets to the Capitals’ game.”
After winning the Nobel Prize for diplomacy last week, Obama is receiving nominations for all sorts of things he had no idea he was eligible or qualified for.
Experts agree that with his current momentum, he’s a shoe-in to win American Idol and Dancing with the Stars, despite his ability to neither sing nor dance.
Monochrome television is colourblind. We've come so far as a society!
“I’m, like, totally voting for the Prez next season,” affirmed Britney Hodges, an avid and rabid viewer of American Idol. ”He’s, like, so much hotter than Taylor Hicks. I didn’t vote for Obama in the election, so I feel I owe him at least 45 minutes worth of votes when the phone lines open. He’s, like, totally the next American Idol!”
Obama is currently under consideration for the Nobel Prize in Chemistry after making a wicked cool volcano out of paper mache.
Nobel judges credit Obama's overwhelming victory to his work with cute East Asian infants.
Ha! Paper mache volcano. Ur captions make my life.