Mayor McCheese appointed interim monarch
Sending shocks and awe through the fast-food industry, America is reeling in the violent overthrow of the former despot, colloquially known as “his majesty”, “my liege”, or “creepy man in a crown from the Burger King commercials”.
Economic and corporate analysts from all corners of America are predicting that the ketchupshed will get far worse before it gets better.
The Capulet/Montague-esque vendetta has been raging for several decades. The Burger King recently launched a massive smear campaign against McDonald, challenging his self-proclaimed Scottish ancestry, declaring that McDonald was, “nothing more than a poseur who watched Braveheart way too many times.”
When critics pointed out to the king that Braveheart only came out in 1995, the tyrannical madman sent several of his own minions to the gallows as a frightful example, despite there being no actual dissent within his own realm.
The violence culminated on Saturday when, during the annual McDonald’s parade through Dallas Texas, several shots rang out, as a hail of bullets enveloped the McDonald motorcade. Ronald himself narrowly escaped injury, but his plumpy flunkie Grimace wasn’t so lucky. “I’m hit, hee hee hee!” said Grimace, matter-of-factly.
It was a sorry stroke of luck for the purple freak as that particular honor alongside the Great McDonald has been typically reserved for Hamburglar, who was back in jail for violating his parole after a grand theft bovine conviction.
While most evidence linking the Burger King to the assassination attempt is circumstantial at best, there is some speculation that it may have in fact been the work of one Lee Harvey Harvey’s, a brutal tyrant of rival burger chain, Harvey’s. If he has it his way, The King and McDonald would engage in a perpetual state of beef strife, leaving an immense burger vacuum, paving the way for Harvey’s to take over the world.
More details as they develop.
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