Ahhh, the good ol’ Islamic Republic of Iran.
Expert sabre-rattlers, rabble rousers, and patience-testers.
Nearly my all-time favourite theocracy, second only to the enlightening and liberating regime presiding in Saudi Arabia.
At least women can drive in Iran. But I would hardly call the republic progressive.
So, yeah, um…about that uranium enrichment…what the hell are they thinking?
Evidently, prior sanctions imposed by the United Nations were but mere short water bursts from a Super Soaker 75. Sure, it’s a little annoying to get wet, but the water quickly dries.
Eager to panic and dismay the international community, insane asylum-escapee and current president of Iran, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, decided now was as good a time as any to announce that Iran has not only scoffed at UN sanctions, but is in fact currently operating a second clandestine uranium enrichment facility.
Maybe they just want nuclear powered televisions or something.
Of course history tells us not to judge a book by its cover; a certain nation that shall not be named decided it was best to ignore the heedings of the UN and invade a sovereign nation under the false pretense that it was developing weapons of mass destruction. We all know the story, as the weapons inspectors went in, unturned many stones, but, alas, found nothing other than conventional weapons (hardly casius belli for invasion and subsequent occupation).
Yet Iran is another story, entirely.
Here we have a nation that currently sits atop one of the world’s largest reserves of natural gas; yet, inexplicably and brazenly, declares that it seeks to pursue a nuclear program for “peaceful purposes” in order that it may provide “nuclear energy” to its citizens. As my idol Judge Judy always says, “If it doesn’t make sense, then it isn’t true.” Sorry folks, but it just doesn’t make any sense.
A common counterpoint that some offer is that there are already several nations in the region that possess nuclear arms, and they are hardly the benchmark of stability. Most commonly referenced are India, Pakistan, and the kid that no one wants to invite to birthday parties: Israel.
Israel is really what the whole situation is about, always has been about, and always will be about, so long as theocratic regimes seek to assert their god-given mandates to spread the word of Allah – by words, often; by breeding, if convenient; by the sword, if necessary.
Despite what apologists scream at cynics and realists alike, the Jews (hell, even democracy) is the sworn enemy of Islam. And last I heard Israel was jam packed full of those pesky Hebrews.
Even though it’s never been officially stated, Israel is speculated and widely believed to be in possession of a healthy stockpile of nuclear warheads and the capability to deliver them – via rush courier with same-day delivery – should the need ever arise.
But that’s sort of the main point here. What possible reason would Israel ever have to use thermonuclear weaponry? There is really only one plausible situation, and that is if its very existence was threatened – or assured to be snuffed out.
Let’s try for a moment to push to the back-burner Israel’s human rights track record and some of its highly dubious and questionable domestic policy concerns. By no means should they be dismissed, but they aren’t quite relevant here. The reason for that is, despite many Arab nations calling for the withdrawal of Israeli forces from the West Bank and Gaza, that would hardly settle the issue if Israel were to ever even consider complying. Israel’s very presence in the region is perceived as an ever-present “f**k you” to its neighbours – even though it would like nothing more than to just be left alone.
So long as Israel maintains its own borders, has a standing army, and has Jews running the show, the Middle East will not be at peace. I hate to say it, but it’s true.
Then we have the egregiously instigant regime in Iran, prodding and goading Western nations with its persistence and insistence on having enriched uranium. But for what purpose?
Israel certainly won’t take the issue lying down, either. They’ve explicitly stated that they will not permit Iran to wield a nuclear weapon, and will attack any facility preemptively to ensure it.
So there’s the standoff: Israel on one side, vowing not to allow a nuclear Iran, and Iran on the other, going full steam ahead with its program. So where does that leave us?
There are three possible outcomes.
First, Iran could back down after all this hoopla, let weapons inspectors inside, and face whatever consequences. This would seem like somewhat of a fruitless venture, not really gaining anything from it all…just the ire of every reasonable and rational person on the planet.
Second, the most plausible scenario, but still extremely unlikely: Iran provokes Israel into attacking, causing a fairly explosive local conflict which would result in further instability in the region.
Finally, the least likely possibility: Iran manages to continue on with its program, straps a thermonuclear warhead to a ballistic missile, and launches it Tel Aviv-bound. Calling this outcome catastrophic on a global scale would be an understatement. You better believe that Israel would launch all of its (speculated to be several dozen) warheads at Iranian population centres in a last hurrah before it meets its fiery demise.
But would that really happen?
Unfortunately there are many religious groups in the world who not only pray for the apocalypse, but believe it to be imminent – and, hilariously, every generation since the first century believed it to be within their lifetimes. Most notably they are Christian wingnuts, but there are still some Jews and Muslims who would welcome the end of days. Are there any of these crackpots with their finger on the button?
It’s pretty obvious that President Ahmadinejad and Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei are hardly the cornerstones of mental stability.
Could they do it?
Could they provoke Israel into war, sacrificing potentially millions of its own citizens, in an effort to wipe Israel from the map?
It is conceivable that some secret treaties could quickly come to the forefront should Iran go to war. Where China and Russia stand is oftentimes ambiguous. Sure China owns most of the United States’ debt, which would probably keep them from siding against the US and its Western Allies. But it could be equally as dangerous if a superpower like China were to remain neutral rather than declaring its intentions.
We get it Iran. You finally made it to the party. You’ve made your point.
Now back the fuck off, because the world is in no mood.
